The Chance
by RaphSai03
Summary: This is nothing I wanted it to be. He isn't in love with me, he didn't leap into my arms when I announced that I was in love with him. Yet, it's everything. Because he's giving me a chance to prove myself, a chance to win his heart over. I won't fail; not the mission.
1. Chapter 1

_Raphael Pov:_

He stood at the opposite end of the dojo from me, his back turned to my lonesome form. Too busy focusing on a Kata he's been working on mastering, my brother doesn't notice me. I take this moment, when he's far too distracted to pay a fragment of attention to me, to finally observe him and his ravishing figure.

I lower myself onto the ground, elbows rested on my arched knees, hands cupping my face. My emerald eyes wander up and down his body, taking in every crease, every crevice, of his luxurious image.

Leonardo's bulky arms twisted and turned, flowing along with the swift movements of his torso as he danced along with the rhythm of his swords gliding through the air. Grunts escaped his mouth, slipping out of the space between his lips. He fights nothing but an empty space, swinging at bad guys only visible to his sapphire eyes. On the other hand, I'm fighting off a wave of feelings and an uncontrollable desperation; a wave of desires and forbidden thoughts.

Before I can get to deep into thought, my older brother zaps my attention back to the real world with the sweet, melodic sound of his voice. "Do you need something, or did you just come in here as a distraction?"

Instantly frustrated by his blunt question, I stand up, a low growl rumbling in the pits of my throat. "You know, I was just leaving." Turning away, I make a move towards the door, but don't make it too far before Leonardo clasps his hand around my wrist.

I glance at him over my shoulder, a curious glance disguised as a glare resting in my emerald eyes. His expression has shifted from annoyed to something softer, more compassionate. He even tries for a smile. Tries, because it comes out more as an awkward twitch.

"You've been avoiding me lately, why?" I can tell that Leonardo is serious when he asks this question, what, between his soothing tone and careful eyes. God, do I love those eyes. I will myself to get lost in them, instantly drowning in a sea of deep blue carnations and hibiscuses. There's even a few specks of green, if I'm not mistaken.

Shaking my head, I turn down the chance to talk to my brother for the first time in a long time. Leo's always been my go-to, the only person I feel safe talking to. Who'll I go to know that I can't talk to him about my feelings? I can't bottle everything up, I won't bottle everything up, because last time I did that, it ended with me bursting into a temper tantrum I won't ever forget. I've learned that if I talk about my emotions, then I'm not as likely to explode.

"I can't talk to you about it this time, Leo," I admit in a whisper.

Heaving a sigh, Leonardo places a hand on either hip, gazing up at me with a stubborn expression. "Really? You can't talk to me? I thought we were doing good, Raph, I thought that we could trust each other at this point. Obviously, I was wrong, huh?"

I place two fingertips on my forehead, the finale resting on my snout. My eyelids are squeezed shut as I try to calm myself, try not to lose my temper. You can't, I tell myself, not with him, not with Leonardo.

I can't help but feel like I have to scream at him in order to get my message through, though. Leaving me with little to no options.

"I trust you, Leo, I really do. More than anyone in the world. But this . . . this is different. I can't talk to you about this, I can't risk losing you. Losing us." Losing a chance at us.

Leonardo reaches towards me, taking my hands in his. He holds them against his chest, flattening my palms against his scarred plastron. "I don't get it. What could you possibly say that would make me leave you?" I avoid his eyes, staring elsewhere. Anywhere other than his expectant stare will do.

I try to pull my hands back, so I can run away to my bedroom, to isolation. I'll lock myself in there and won't leave until I absolutely have to. Even then I'll be back into hiding quickly.

He won't let me go, his grip is mighty and powerful. I tug, but he doesn't budge.

"You know I love you, right, Raphael?" That gets my attention.

I stare up at him with saucer eyes, eating at his words like a hungry wolf. They're nothing and everything at the exact same time. Nothing because he means it in a brotherly way, everything because that's the only phrase I've ever wanted to hear him speak.

Heaving a disgruntled sigh, I pull my hands away from his for good. I turn away from him, rubbing the spot on my wrists where his fingers once laid. "You say that as my brother," I state. Whether it's for clarification or merely a way to let the words seep into my veins, I do not know. What I do know is that when I say that I love Leonardo, I don't say it as a brother.

I say it as a lover.

"Of course. Why? Is that wrong?" A dramatic amount of concern plummets into Leonardo's voice, like an anchor into water, weighing every syllable down.

I take this as my chance to comfort him, so, I spin around and travel the few steps it takes to reach him.

We're less than a foot apart, breathing the same air, and that isn't even when I begin to realize what a terrible idea this is. No, that comes later. Later, after I lift a hand to caress his cheek. Later, after I rest my other hand on his hip. Later, as in when he murmurs a confession with a quivering voice, eyes flashing fearfully, "You're starting to scare me."

I ignore his hushed voice, answering only his previous question. "No, that's not wrong, in any way, shape, or form. What is wrong, is that I want you to say and mean it as more than a brother."

Leonardo's eyes widen in alarm as realization sets in. His jaw drops, but my gentle hand on his chin is enough to close it.

"Wait, Raph, do you mean-?"

"Yes, big brother," I bob my head, answering the question he had yet to finish asking, "I do."

I close the gap right then and there, just as I've always dreamt of doing. My lips glide swiftly against his, slippery and greedy.

He didn't kiss me, like I'd prefer him to. He's a stone-cold statue against my human form, lifeless in opposed to my animate touch.

I break our kiss, drifting away gradually. My eyes flutter open, immediately greeted by Leonardo's. I expected to find the warmth and prosperity I always see, but I don't. It isn't there. It's been replaced with a horrified gleam. A hurt, pained fire has ignited in the depths of my brother's sapphire blue eyes.

"Leo . . ," I murmur in an apologetic tone. I want to explain myself, but I can't. There are no words that I could possible muster up that would decipher my motives behind kissing my brother; none. But I do have the emotions to prove that I meant it.

I reach a hand out to touch his shoulder, as an act of comfort, but he backs away before I can.

With a disgusted, unforgiving expression masking his face, Leonardo shoves me. "What the hell was that?!"

Immediately, my eyes widen as I stare at my older brother in utter trauma. But as realization sets in, when I begin to comprehend his actions, my pupils contract to a size so small, you'd have to squint to know they're still there. Tiny, black bullets shoot out of my emerald irises, aiming wildly at Leonardo.

"Trying to express my feelings, dumbass," I spit. "You asked why I've been avoiding you, and here's why: I'm in love with you."

Leonardo heaves a sigh, closing his eyes gently. He does this often, when he's trying bottle up his feelings; because that's where he keeps everything, on the inside. I wish he'd open up to me, like I do for him. He isn't a fool, though, he knows how it works. You say one word, and suddenly, everything just comes spilling out. There's no stopping the river once it's broken the dam.

"That's disgusting," Leonardo mutters. His eyelids flip back, revealing a set of eyes sporting a revolted gaze. "We're brothers, Raphael. We can't be like . . . like that."

I snort, rolling my eyes while holding back a chuckle. "Oh, like you're against incest. Remember last year, when there was all that news about the girl who married her father? If I do recall correctly, you jumped to her defense when Donnie and Splinter began to criticize her, did you not?"

Leonardo let's out a grunt, clearly defeated and at a lack of denial.

I walk towards him, clasping my hands around his biceps. My thumbs massage smooth circles into him muscles. "Look at me," I whisper desperately. He won't. His eyes are fixated on the floor, chin down I wish he would hold his head high and face me, look me in the eye with a daring expression plastered on his face like he does whenever he's challenged. Perhaps that was the wrong way to word it. I don't want to challenge him, I want his attention.

Delicately, I grab his chin, lifting it slowly upwards. I watch, with a loving stare, as his sapphire eyes flicker upwards, meeting mine.

I can't read them, those orbs that present themselves in a manner similar to a fearsome tiger; strong willed and quick witted. I've always admired his swift planning and keen mind. Leonardo is full of potential.

"You said," I start again when I've grasped a hold of his attention, "that the relation between two lovers shouldn't matter—whether they be both girls or boys, a threesome, old and young, or even, blood related—because, no matter what, love is love. It should be accepted, not tainted. If you've fallen for someone, then there must've been a reason for it, and that reason is between the two of you, not the rest of the world."

I bend down onto my knees, my hands slipping down his arms. Our fingers lace together and I'm kneeling before him, staring upward. Eyes locked, hands held, words yet to be spoken.

"I'm in love with you, Leonardo, and I have been for quite some time. I can't hold it in any longer, though. I can't bear another day without knowing what you would say if I professed my love for you." Inhaling deeply, I wait for him to say something. He doesn't, so I do. "Will you go steady with me?"

My eyes are closed, sealed shut with a glue called doubt. I brace myself for the worst.

"I . . . I don't know," he stated plainly, clear as day.

I stand, presenting myself to him in a caring manner. Squeezing his hands, I reassure him in the best way I can. "You don't have to know right away. I'll give you time to think, as much as you need."

"Really?" His eyes are lined with tears, something I hadn't been expecting to see.

"Really really."

My brother offers me an appreciative smile. "I'll let you know when I have it figured out; I promise."

Nodding, I smirk. "Don't worry, Leo, I trust you."

Leonardo pulls me into a hug, holding me loosely against him. He doesn't bury his head in my shoulder to inhale my scent, or embed his face in my neck as an act of comfort. He doesn't kiss me or whisper sweet nothings.

This is nothing I wanted it to be. He isn't in love with me, he didn't leap into my arms when I announced that I was in love with him.

Yet, it's everything. Because he's giving me a chance to prove myself, a chance to win his heart over.

I won't fail; not this mission.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys. I've been receiving a lot of messages and reviews lately asking me to continue my writing, and I'd just like to clear a few things up. I'm no longer writing on this account, I've transferred over to **nxgmobblepot** , due primarily to a change in fandoms. I may post TMNT oneshots occasionally, but none of these stories will be updated anytime soon if at all. My dearest apologies, and I do hope that you'll all continue to read my writing on my new account—assuming I actually get around to posting anything, my writing is currently on tumblr. Anyway. I'm sorry for leaving all of you hanging, and thank you for sticking with my stories throughout the years. You've all given me the strength I need to believe in myself.


End file.
